the ghost of forgotten happiness knocks on my door

yesterday was suppose to be a low key day. but it wrapped up on a high note. i had unexpected msg on msn in the morning. it went something like this:

jem: morning! are you free today?
me: heyy, yeah.
jem: free as in... i can call you and ask to meet you in 30 minutes?
me: wei, i don't drive you know..... but i am free, in that sense
jem: haha. ok. i'll pick you up at 7. wear nicely.

that sealed the date. i practically pranced around my room. a date! i haven't been on a date for..... months. the last date being with the man himself, ummm, last year.

i reminised. yesterday and now, as i am typing this. a sad smile threatening to break the corners of my mouth. the first date we went on.... he scrubbed up so well. hair nicely gelled up, a crisp white patterned shirt, black trousers and a faint trace of perfume lingering. we took a stroll to my favourite hangout, the moon. it was the first time he was going to listen to the jazz band. a few bottles of little creatures pale ale, rounds of long island tea, we were just chilling to the band, enjoying the live music and each other's company, my arm slung casually over his. we took an equally leisurely stroll back to my apartment, stopping to view designer lounge chairs as he hugged me from behind.

pure innocent vestal happiness. the security he offered me. where did we go wrong?

i lost him.

as excitement got to the better of me, i started to think: omg, what am i going to wear? what does 'wear nicely' mean? is a cocktail dress presentable enough? where are we going? i was a nervous wreck. finally decided on the black tuxedo cocktail dress that i wore to norm's wedding. been saving the MAC eyeliner xing/caro got for my birthday - this is the right occasion.

less for his unruly hair, jem looked every bit sharp, just like how i remembered him to be on our dates, the last being carnegies. for a moment, he made me think he was bringing me to chutney marys. hell no! indian food... i think i will spew from all the curries, chick pea dhal and what nots.

but he outdid himself this time. he brought me to the multiple award-winning witch's cauldron, a place that i have been dying to go to for years... but its too attas for a poor uni student like me. i must have brought it up to him on one of our lunches at subiaco last year. he remembered. and had made a reservation for two for the both of us last night.

the restaraurant is alot bigger than what i'd thought. it extends deep within and upstairs. and we had a very romantic personal booth allocated to us. we both shared an appetiser and entree - the hors d'oeuvre and the WC's speciality, garlic prawns. to all your prawn lovers out there, you know nuts about world-class prawns until you have been to the witch's cauldron. we were in bliss land.

this was followed by our mains - jem ordered the dhufish joinville while i had the eye fillet with bernasse sauce, cook to perfection. we also had glasses of reds to accompany our mains. the ambience, food, company and conversation was just so surreal, progressed in perfection, just like a dream, beyond description.

jem dropped me off at 11pm and we bid a sad farewell. i won't be seeing him much this semester - he is only in uni on mondays and fridays. and he may possibly be moving to canberra at the end of the year, if he gets a job with the australian intelligence security agency (or something like that).

this is the sad reality... he very well could have been the right guy. but the right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy. this is the painful, cruel reality.

jem, the boy i loved when it wasn't the right time for us both to love.

tried to pick up the pieces today. a quiet day in. washed my bedsheets, duvet cover and duvet. sorted out my uni timetable which looks like shit. and cooked dinner for housie and i.

i am suffering withdrawal symptoms, from the garlic prawns.

more importantly, from jem.

the ghost of long-forgotten happiness knocked at my door and left as abruptly as it came by.